I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is my gift to your gina
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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