Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
