I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
