Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
