Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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