So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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