I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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