No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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