where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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