By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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