i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Don't make out with my wife yet
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I met the friendliest cop last night
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
