Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
