sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You are a genius and a whore.
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