Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
