I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Randomize
