she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
