I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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