so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
