Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
