I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
