i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
