You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
