From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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