The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
