I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
