We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
