can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
