no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
