i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
