my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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