So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
