the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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