his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
