so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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