I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
