People in love make me want to vomit
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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