my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
