Just cropdusted the office
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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