he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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