In the future we'll all be gay
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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