I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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