Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's never too late to be topless.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
