He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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