this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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