I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
