very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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