Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
