Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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