I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
