I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
