I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
