my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
